I just read back the last book chapter I wrote (Warmth). It could do with an edit at the start to better aim its focus, but I’m very happy with the journey it ends up taking you on. I liked what Granny said about how my words don’t tell you to think something in particular; I think they present ideas and experiences and let you decide what, if anything, you want to do with them instead.
But in the book chapters there’s a clear direction I’m travelling towards, and I guess I have faith that the reader is following on, so that, while each section might seem unrelated to anything, they combine to form an emotional sum that’s greater than its parts. And I like that I’m not necessarily saying outright what the insights I’ve gained are, because it lets you (the reader) discover them for yourself, sharing years of realisations through the key moments that brought me to my current points of understanding.
The point I wanted to raise is something I feel I may have stated before: That, at the moments where I knew I was aiming hard for emotional reactions, I do indeed feel them. Sometimes it’s a heart-aching sadness that wells up my eyes. Often, with this book, and especially with Warmth, it’s a deep disgust. And when this happens, I think to myself (and sometimes audibly exclaim): “fuck me that’s good”. I still wonder how it is that I have the power to stir such responses, and especially, how I’m able to take the reader on the journeys that I do.
I recently watched a YouTube video from an essayist, who talked about the writings that had a profound effect on them as they entered into early adulthood. And I wonder now if my own words could have a similarly massive effect on someone too. Particularly the wisdom regarding how bad people act, and how to identify that behaviour in a way that protects you from it. Which is, I suppose, the driving motivation behind writing all this: To be the boy who points out that no, your eyes do not deceive you; the emperor is indeed not wearing any clothes.
I know I’ve written a few posts about writing itself, but these are still new revelations to me. It’s the first time I’ve looked at my writing from an almost objective viewpoint, and I’m enjoying seeing what the shape of the writer I’ve become is. It’s also been long enough since I last wrote that I’ve lost track of the metaphors I’ve already used and the references I’ve made before, so… 🤷♂️